Graduation had come. It was my turn to get even with the school
for putting through four years of the BOFH and the BPFH.
SSSSSOOOOOOO........
The schools play got a roaring round of laughter when the CO2 canisters
were also filled with NO2 (laughing gas).
The Dean's graduation speech got really messed up as he was reading it
off the special computer screen installed on stage.
The BOFH probably wonder why he did not do it.
The Class Idiot (GPA = 1.1) was elected Validictorian.
The dorms were turned into orgy centers and classes cancelled when someone
accidently ordered an aphrodeziac instead of the correct water purification
chemicals for the schools water supply. (Order by computer of course).
(I live off campus with a water filter on my house).
All finals had to be redone as the answers were all posted on the students
e-mail. The teachers went crazy over the security breach.
The BPFH got his e-mail flooded because someone posted an add in the
Gay Times, The Necrophila Times and the S&M nets saying send in msgs
for possible pairing.
A list of all the gay professors and students(who had not come out of the
closet) some how appeared on the right side of the newspaper front page.
In addition a list of professors who were sleeping with students appeared
on the left side of the front page. (The 700 Club got a copy of the paper.)
Tom called and asked me about that one. I gave him the account on
the medical doctor (Dr Philips) who was supplying steriods to students.
He thanked me and ask politly that I not mess things up too badly.
Tom grovelled very well. His salary went up $10K this year.
Lastly I redirected the ATT/Bell Telephone/Sprint complain number
to the BOFH home phone. It took ATT/Bell/Sprint two days to undo that one.
You know, .... have the work order say hard wire. HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE
Being the Bastard User From Hell means always getting more than even.
Two days after graduation... ( everyone was recovering from the party
because of the free beer)
Seems Budwiser did not realize they had a delivery until it showed
up on the warehouse computer.
Being the Bastard User From Hell means getting beer cheep (free).
......there was a knock on the door. Hank went (stumbled) to get
it.
"Hi were from the government we would like to speak to Mr. John
William Fox!"
Oh..No.
Hank."Let me see if he is in." Good going Hank as I run to the
back door and look out.
Six guys in suits in the back yard and two roofers on each roof
of every house around. There are four people not working on the
electrical lines and six people from the water company who
are not working either. Things look bleak for our hero.
Hank comes in and says "John there.."
"Yeah, Yeah, I know. I'll talk to them."
Being the Bastard User From Hell means knowing when to talk and
knowing when to run.
I go in and say "Hi, I am John Fox, can I help you?"
Mr three piece suit with shades says "Funny you should ask."
"You broke into a company database a couple weeks ago and got some
information on say....... protecting data."
Boy these guys don't even know how to make small talk.
I say."I was attempting to download product information concerning
possible interfacing of equipment with the company I was at for
future co-development project and to get a feel for the job
openings at the company."
Please take the bait, Bismuth Breath.
Mr three piece suit "Yeah right!, You broke in and we have been watching
you for the past week. You made 42 money transfers, 17 land title
switches, traded $30 million in stocks and bonds and ordered a truck
load of beer and snack from US companies."
DAMM, these spooks are good.
"So here is the deal, you give all the stuff from the US companies
back. The foreign stuff we do not care about but you..WILL.. tell us
how you did it. And besides you talked about job opportunities you
start in one week for a year with us!"
Damm, he didn't even ask me what salary I wanted.
I looked over at the guy on the right who was balancing a tooth pick on
his left finger while standing on one leg (for the whole conversation)
and over at the guy on the left who was craking brazil nuts with his
thumb and pointer finger and make a quality decision.
"Where is the job at?"
Mr three piece suit..."You don't need to know that!"
"What is the salary?"
Mr three piece suit..."Enough!"
The guy on the right was balancing two tooth picks on two fingers (1/ea)
and guy on left was up to two brazil nuts at a time.
"Sounds good to me...glad to be on board"
Being the Bastard User From Hell means knowing when to say yes and
knowing when to say no.
Mr three piece suit said "Good..we will send the movers over to start
packing tommorrw. Mr Toothpick will pick you up in three days to get
you to work and Mr Brazil Nut will stay with you to ensure your
safety."
"Say What!?"
Mr three piece suit. "Oh, don't even think of running....you can't"
"Have a nice day."
Being the Bastard User From Hell means knowing when to give up a
round in a fight (but not the match).
Well one year later..(I can`t talk about it but lets just say I got
one HELL of a computer education)...
The BASTARD USER FROM HELL is back.
Oh Mr Toothpick got a semitracker trailer full of toothpicks delivered
to his house the next week.
Mr Brazil Nut got a railrod car full at his apartment.
Mr three peice suit got charged for 100 three peice suits on his VISA.
Mr BPFH (Bastard Professor From Hell) suddenly found that his protection
software failed ( every day and printed the test out on his students
e-mail accounts). He also lost his retirement accounts and got on the
IRS audit every year from here to eternity list.
Being the Bastard User From Hell means getting the last screw for the
professors who screwed you.
During my year of working for Uncle Sam...
MR BOFH (Bastard Operator From Hell)...YYYEEEEESSSSSS.
It seemed that for one whole year there was a message that appeared
every morning on his counsole saying
"This is from the BUFH.
BOFH I am comming to get you HAHA!"
He was never able to find out where it came from. (You don't need to know
remember).
Then I heard the BOFH got promoted to a manager.
Tom got an article about how managers at the school were wasting
taxpayer dollars for bull crap. There was one manager with the first
name of Simon who was singled out.
The next day every one at the newspaper was fired (BOFH)
The day later every manager at the school was fired (BUFH)
Two months later my VISA suddenly had a $1,000,000 bill. (BOFH)
The next day the national debt got credited to the BOFH's card (BUFH)
One month later the police showed up at my front door with an arrest
warrent. (BOFH)
The next day a demolition crew showed up at the BOFH house (BUFH)
The warrent dissappeared about two days later. So did someone house.
Another time my car was impounded for non paying of fines (BOFH)
The next day the BOFH's car was towed to a wrecking comany and
crushed for scrap. (BUFH)
Finally I was free from the government and could turn my whole energies
on one person.....Yes Mr. BOFH, you.
The Nazi bulletin board got a death threat from Simon saying they
were going to loose because he was Jewish and knew who they were.
The JDL got a message that Simon was trying to become the
new NAZI extermination chair person.
The KKK got a message that a man named Simon was selling information
concerning their bulletin boards.
The NAACP and Black Solider of Fortune and all law enforcment
agencies got a message saying Simon was the leader of the ultra-radical
KKK underground lynching unit.
All of his finances dissappeared.
His new car was trashed by some bikers because somehow Simon
said Harleys were for sissies on the Rec.HellAngles net.
The Gay community named him public enemy number one after a newspaper
article quoted him as say a few things (not repeatable here).
There were three ambulances from Shady Acres that showed up at his
door.
They arrived just before the SWAT team showed up to serve a warrent
for illegal transportation of plutonium.
Finally.
I went and messed with the spooks one more time. (VERY CAREFULLY)
The directors of the NSA / CIA / FBI got messages from a Russian
computer (at least that is where it was tracked to) saying that
Simon had infiltrated agencies with time
bomb computer codes and that he appeared to be insane. He was a
deep mole that they feared would start another war if he was
not stopped and put into complete isolation with absolutely
NO computer acceess (or phone, or electronic).
Since this appeared on the internal NSA / CIA / FBI secure network.
Do I have to say more.
Being the BASTARD USER FROM HELL mens always getting the best and
last when it comes to REVENGE.
I am driving off into the sunset (doing 145 in the Lamboghini)
with Alica by my side from our new Southern style mansion
on 6000 acres of land (cost = $0.00), when some cop pulls me over.
I pay the ticket and smile as I get his name and badge number and remember I
have a personal data assistance in the glove compartment.
The BASTARD USER FROM HELL IS ALIVE AND WELL.
The end.